As a sacred woman, the call from all directions, the seeing divinity, great spirit in all things even the inanimate objects is awe inspiring. Yet the feeling of all things, the great constrictions and expansions that stretch the voluptuous flesh into a thin membrane. The feel of my vessel to almost tearing, breaking up into particles of awareness can be as challenging as the constriction from great hits to heart.
We know it is all perspective and we can view from a neutral mind space as the observer. Yet we are still in practice within this experience of a human in this world.
I recall a story of one of my difficult times. It was when I was really experiencing directly, an awareness of the love of all there is, an awe inspired expansiveness. My decision was about staying in this particular reality, I was shown direct knowing and experience of the vastness, and from my depth of soul I had a real ache to go home!
This was not about suicide as such, it was a depth of returning to that which I AM.
I recall sitting in my car outside a friends home with gentle tears filling my eyes. The soul was speaking loudly, and My little human was a little overwhelmed and confused.
Within days of this, I was shown by a young boy of 8 yrs old, through his story and wisdom showed me that this body, my body was now my home on this earth. I was to fully embody this vehicle. It was such a revelation!
This fleshy vehicle was now to be my NEW home, not just the house. It was from that point 6 years ago that I shifted perspective and really started to love this vehicle, my home. It was what carries me and connects me in the human sensorium, allowing the full sensory experiencing of this relative reality.
On another perspective,
I understand the thoughts of ‘what is the point’! It is all too much, what could I contribute, my small existence, no one understands me, I don’t fit here, and the like. You can add your critics voice here……….., the loudest inner voice that is generally not of inspiration or hope until integrated. The still, small voice is that of your Muse, the inner guidance is always with us yet requires the gentle tilt of the head in stillness to build up the relationship so she can be heard.
Every day, billions of miracles are experienced and the most important ONE miracle is You woke up again to start another day! No matter what the expression of that day brings, it is miraculous.
Why do we often think it has to be a certain way?
Or lived like others live?
The heart ache felt deeply, is what opens me more. The heart ache shows me I am open to love, reminds me I can FEEL and have not numbed myself to that expression. A survival tactic I have known so well, of a sensitive wanting to turn off, and drop out.
I celebrate and keep reminding Self of the miracle of the human experience. The past has seen this one numb, and shut down to survive. It was a blessing, our nervous system is remarkable and will keep us safe. It becomes a challenge when the system takes on that way of being as its normal daily operation. We can re pattern these early attachment programs, assist the energetics to support the physiology of stress, and discomfort.
I am grateful that I feel EVERY THING, and consider that I may have had to lose my senses literally in my youth to appreciate the sensitivities now.
The challenge is to stay fully open to it all, feel it deeply, the spectrum of the physical and emotional sensorium. Keeping the energy systems aligned, strong and humming to be able to catch each felt sense early, and to not have that experiencing any longer than necessary.
How do I know what people are going through? I feel it directly, Literally through the human sensory system, and via the energetics. Many clients are surprised at the extent I feel their pain, it can even be a past pain or emotion. They can see and hear for themselves and this has helped them feel understood and heard.
I often say that their systems get louder, like an excitement that they are being recognised and can use me as a translator to get the message across to the client in a language they can more easily understand. I get the message via felt sense, emotional sense, hearing, see, taste, smell, or knowings. Can be a combination or may just be a big hit of physical pain that shows me and as we discuss it will disappear like it has been heard, so can now relax, and move on to the next priority.
Sounds bizarre, and it is. Yet when we open up totally to all that is, we fine tune to experience the language of it. There is no separation, and in those moments with clients this is clear.
Lady Gaga’s song A Million Reasons, often brings a tear.
The words; I got a hundred million reasons to walk away,
Baby, I just need one good one to stay.
The miracle of this life is the one good reason, The gift of this existence is another. The knowing that there are many aspects of soul that are disembodied and cannot fully interact, is another. Literally there are a hundred million reasons to stay in the physical and to stay awake within that body. The song has many meanings, today I chose this perspective to share.
What I have learnt is to stay open to love,
The biggest part of this is to give that love to all aspects of the Self, as only then can I fully love another in a complete and healthy way.
We are shown in every moment, yet there are times these more subtle gestures of love are mistaken or unseen. Often viewed through the veils of our conditioned upbringing and judged through tinted fear goggles that are looking for external references of approval.
The giving to oneself what you wish to give another, or more commonly what we want or think we need from another. What happens is what we generally feel we get from the other, is that which we are trying to fill in our own void or wounding. It is rarely about them, it is about how they make us feel!
When we fill ourselves with love, or even like and a little kindness, we can then give to others and it will be from a much stronger, joy filled space of heart. Rather than the more typical place of lack, fear and attachment style.
If you would like to know more about the energetics of this sharing, the nervous system health or trauma informed work, and how to start this relationship with Self, I would love to hear from you.
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