Trust, Ephemeral like a Sand Mandala.

Trust, what is it to you? 
I have been contemplating the concept of Trust in relating and have come to ponder - what if instead of trusting others we attempt to know them daily. 

This idea has come from observing people giving their trust to another and if and when they feel the trust has been misused or abused there is great emotional torment. I don't feel people can break your trust, if you give it away freely then it is no longer yours to control, or is it? 

I have lived with the idea that I don't like to lend things to people due to seeing so many relationships impacted when the item or money is not returned or it is damaged. I will give you what you need if I have the means and this way if it is damaged or not returned there is no expectation. No trust involved and no extra emotional tangles to deal with. 
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I know, yes there are many other trust issues, especially around monogamy in relationships. Again I ask, that if we were able to know our partners daily would this arise? Not sure, can't hurt. I am curious that if we are unable to talk to those closest to us what does this mean? How would we know them at any depth? So many questions.

Does commitment come into it, are some of us committing to an aspect of a person we think we know and trust that part. Are we expected to stay that aspect or those aspects and be unchanged for many years. Seems unreasonable like a bonsai effect of the Self. For some it might be they are the same as when they were a teenager, with little emotional growth. Which poses to me more questions around whether this is why we can get stuck in a model or way of being that creates such unfulfilled joy. 

This leads us into the path to fears, such as when one starts to grow at different rates to another. Fear of a loss can bubble to the surface or self esteem is challenged, this could be a whole other post.

Trust seems to have a connotation that rather than do the continual work in relating that we build a picture of a person then set and forget. This is great until that person shifts or makes changes in their lives, outlook, or change what they want to experience. That change could be seen as a breach of some unwritten agreement from long ago. 

I pose that Trust can be a relaxed even lazy way of relating, wouldn't you like people to be curious about who you are today, do you not shift and change how you are in the world? If not why not? 

Isn't part of life about constant growth (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual) Being free and able to feel the whole spectrum of emotions. Experiencing our internal landscapes and how it is impacted by our external environments and vice versa ? 
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So what if we spent the time being inquisitive and curious about people in our lives daily or even weekly. 

I wonder how relationships would be if we were all more curious about each other, ask different questions, propose things to ponder about together. Inquiry over a hot cup of tea in the mornings, create your own Salon style discussions as great painters, writers and poets did. What makes you so different, do you not contain a goal or dream? Do your friends or family know of such dreams? 

We seem to Trust as a short cut to checking in on who we are today. Ok, some people set their lives on auto pilot and forget about it, but WHAT IF???

What if we poked a question of depth over tea, what if we made time for common inquiry into the world and its workings. What if we looked at each other regularly and asked 'who are you'? 

Could trust be another form of control? It is a middle ground between knowing and not knowing. So we trust people to Do or Get things done, or behave in a particular way. 
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What would happen if we exchanged trust for due diligence, would this change the world over night?
What I propose is that you don't trust me, I propose you get to know me, and as I shift, move and evolve quickly and often then this knowing of me would be an ongoing process of making acquaintance again and again. 

Someone close described me as a rainbow stating that 'I was all the colours in a day'. He could not place me into the usual categories of classification he had for others he knew. This is a perfect description, I move between the frequencies of colour like a kaleidoscope. Subtle shifts change the image and perspective. To think that I could be yellow and later that day come across as green and in the evening purple then blue and maybe some red, while in the mornings orange and pink or at particular moments all colour at once! 

If you know me as yellow and maybe some green and trust that I will be yellow or green the next encounter then have I broken your trust or were you mistaken to give it due to your perception of only two colours?

If we continue to view people as only one or two colours, then categorise them as something we can set and forget or leave to trust. Then I feel we miss the rainbow of beauty that when seen shows the ever changing kaleidoscope of geometric patterns and vast colours humans can be.

Look at the construction of a sand mandala. As the colours and patterns are added the image appears and disappears, how we relate to it shifts as the sand shifts. The Mandala had moved through many forms and depending on what stage you viewed it, it can seem like a great work or just a pile of coloured sand. 

At this moment I am inquisitive, curious and always the rainbow of infinite potential.
I'd like to know who you are today, what colour are you right now? What frequencies are you forming with the patterns you can make? What insight, goal or dream are you working towards today. Who are you today? 
Who are you this moment? 
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I wonder...

The happening at 10/11 years old
I had experienced a sore throat, this went on for many days, getting worse each day. Mum would give me softer food, then yogurt, until I could not even swallow water. It was then that I was taken to the GP and he immediately called an ambulance, as my air ways were closing, and off I went on a new expedition to hospital.

A significant memory was the ambulance stopped on the way to pick up a young man in his late teens early 20’s who had overdosed, so it seemed. This is what I recall from having to watch the paramedics try to save him, and their discussion on the way. 

He was blue / purple - I can still see him  - 30 years later.

His long tasseled hair and purple skin. 
He sure looked dead.
A certain re-birth for him, one way or another. Was this a sample of the future path, the blue man, the purple woman. The transitioning deities? That one is a story for another day. 
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Next I recall hearing strange noises, I could no longer speak, I had been Intubated.  The process of inserting a tube,  through the mouth and then into the airway, and tubes out of every orifice. Machines doing everything for me. I  woke to a strange sound, I know now to be the vacuum used for clearing the breathing tube, like a suction slurping fluid. I hated this sound, it always stirred me up, the nurses occasionally would say something. Often they would be speaking about me, like I wasn’t there. I was right there!!

I watched my mum and dad come into see me, and leave gifts. A stuffed dog, a rhyme book. Again it was like I wasn’t there. I was right there. 

Through this time, I was in a coma and have great recall of these things and more. My mother said I couldn’t know as I was asleep/comatose
But I was there.
Watching, listening, moving….

(This information/experience helped others in coma. I would share that they can hear and know on some level. My daughter is an ICU Nurse and we discussed this regularly early in her career. She would speak to her patients as if they were awake and could participate in the conversation. This is healing!)

My understanding that I was being tube fed was there, however not at depth. I had not seen or heard of being fed through a tube, living on liquid sustenance.
​Looking back it felt my body was saying -  I am back on line and can transition into food, by mouth. Feed Me!!!

Ankles and wrists have many needle marks from this time. Backs of my hands, wrists, feet and ankles. As my veins were not coping with what was done to them. They would shut down. The day the blood started to reverse up the drip rather than the fluid going in, was enough. At age 10/11 I ripped it out of my hand. No More!!

Seeing the kids with their ice creams, I longed for just a taste.
Eventually my mum got me a chocolate paddle pop (Ice-cream) , ha ha. I was still not swallowing well, but Divine- Flavour, Coldness, Liquid Gold. Not tasting anything for months, The pleasure of taste, and sensation of liquid coolness one may think would sedate me, no. I demanded to be fed and they did soon after transition me to fluids. You have to remember this was in the 70’s, I was a child and my body was coming back on line. We have come so far. ​

This was the experience of understanding myself as a being in a body, that could move around even without said body. 
​In silence, no movement, no eating, just awareness that I am awareness.

I was beyond the flesh of that little girl we called Cindy.​

The adventure in the body went on to become very real!!

On the day of old earth love
I was given the ultimate gift from Universe/My Beloved.
Water, a symbol of the mother,
the flow of the river through veins of the earth. 
I walked in nature to sooth Soul, 
Spirit was in awe, joy, such love came upon me.
The full recognition of the GIFT
The gift of an end! 
Full Separation
Full Connection
Freedom,
true freedom from the worldly ties that bind.
Connection, 
as we break from one space we move closer to all.
Separation as the antithesis of Unity!
It feels like you are falling (like rain)
What if you are becoming
as you fall into the water?
So if drowning in the tears, 
look up,
to the light as if under the sea.
Can you see it?
It glimmers and flicks to the rhythm
of turbulence on the surface
We can dive deep to shelter from the storms
The winds intermittently vascilating strongly
Look up to the filaments,
See the threads sparkle like rays as they fill you
The ocean of Love and Mercy has you
When ready surrender to float, glide, merge at the surface
To be in this world but not of this world
You ARE
a droplet of awareness in the ocean of eternity.
Cynthia Harrison

Did u know? !
That addictions can be linked to the dimming of internal light and that when we can create the light through Alfa/Beta brain waves, drinking can cease to be such an issue. 
What if i told you that an addiction could be dependant on what internal light we experience. The frequency we move through the world in.
So if we experience darkness, we can reach to turn on the switch to illuminate our shadow.
These substances may bring some fleeting solace.
A rest point in eternity.
For an eternal rest point we can activate our brain wave to these particular states.
Illuminating our internal world and chasing our demons away.

​https://www.facebook.com/cynthia.harrison.399/videos/10155685978098471/