I would feel sensations like the energy moving under my skin. Sensations of the energy trying to tell me, guide me! I clearly felt the oscillations within my arms, and their was nothing I could do. Other than learn to move to adjust the sensation, I must have been 8
Early in life I was moving energy in sequences, not knowing why it worked just that it felt better at those times (worms in the arms I called it). Some may say psychosomatic, I may have also said that, and now I know the energies very well, I see clear what was happening.
What was happening?
Since the arms are an extension of the heart region, they are used to express love, the natural reaction of the heart.
Missing my dad, as he travelled the world. Loosing connection to the family we once had. It was the ‘8’ time for significant change. Getting use to a new way of life, the country side (bush lands) from the suburbs, and parenting the self (latch key kids of the 70’s). Gone was the family meals and play, to isolation and self sufficiency. Product of the times, no childcare, women entering the work place, the quickening of life. My response was moving into nature and a closer connect with animals and the earth.
I had experienced a sore throat, this went on for many days, getting worse each day. Mum would give me softer food, then yogurt, until I could not even swallow water. It was then that I was taken to the GP and he immediately called an ambulance, as my air ways were closing, and off I went on a new expedition to hospital.
A significant memory was the ambulance stopped on the way to pick up a young man in his late teens early 20’s who had overdosed, so it seemed. This is what I recall from having to watch the paramedics try to save him, and their discussion on the way.
He was blue / purple - I can still see him - 30 years later.
His long tasseled hair and purple skin.
He sure looked dead.
A certain re-birth for him, one way or another. Was this a sample of the future path, the blue man, the purple woman. The transitioning deities? That one is a story for another day.
I recall the lights of the streets at night, the smells, while wondering where my mother was. She was meeting us at the hospital, apparently.
Next thing I recall is being in a glass room, like a box. Again alone, not knowing what was going on. Where was everyone?
I was out of bed looking through the glass, and it was dark other than a hallway light.
I did what any prisoner would do, I tried to make a run for it- to escape.
Escape to where- who knows. But I was not going to stay a specimen, or prisoner.
Memories of escape and somewhere in the hall I was caught, what would a kidnapped prisoner do? Yes. I fought! Punched, kicked, tried to scream, may have even bitten - not sure I even had voice, no, no sound, silent screams.
I was bear hugged by ? Was this a nurse an orderly who knows, It was a fight for my life!!
As it turned out, that is exactly what it was. I was in my animal response, these people were the enemy and I had to save myself. Remember I was 10/11 alone at night in a place I had no concept of. Intensive care.
Where was my family?
Why was this happening?
What happened to the young man, was he dead?
I would think of him often as I grew up. What ever became of that soul.
Last I recall, was being wrestled back to the room. What happened then, did they sedate me?
I watched my mum and dad come into see me, and leave gifts. A stuffed dog, a rhyme book. Again it was like I wasn’t there. I was right there.
Through this time, I was in a coma and have great recall of these things and more. My mother said I couldn’t know as I was asleep/comatose
But I was there.
Watching, listening, moving….
(This information/experience helped others in coma. I would share that they can hear and know on some level. My daughter is an ICU Nurse and we discussed this regularly early in her career. She would speak to her patients as if they were awake and could participate in the conversation. This is healing!)
So where was my consciousness at that time?
It was as it always has been - in the field.
The 9 openings had been closed, well 6 of the 9. Allowing other abilities to open and be more present! This closing of the 9 entry ways is a practice of some Yoga traditions. The practice of locks and holds to shift focus from the outer to the inner. Where was I, the I that I knew as Cindy? She was locked out of the vehicle, or in? More correctly she was not able to drive IT. The vehicle was immobile and Cynthia could now come and go as the vehicle's operating systems were down.
So after weeks being - well just being pure awareness.
In and Around the body. I came back into it. I recall the breathing tube being taken out, and the oxygen and feeding tubes changed for less drastic apparel. Still a pin cushion with drip and urine tube - that was an experience, to realise there was something going on there….. I was a kid. No one explained this stuff. I recall the sensation of the movement from deep in my being, as that main breathing tube was removed. Taking my new unassisted breaths!
Looking back I was always extra sensitive to sensations. How the body speaks, It was the language and listening that had to be learnt.
That also goes for the listening of the adults around me. Conversations begun with family about what I remember as I became more embodied and eventually able to speak a little more. I was silent for over a month, and relatively silent for two months or so. The knowing the RE-Membering of the internal landscape added to my ways of knowing and determined spirit.
When I did speak I was not believed and eventually dropped anything to do with the topic and experiences.
Still so fragile (Physically) I was put in with the babies so I could be monitored. The new environment an oxygen tent. My recall of watching the drips move and run down the clear plastic. I was a girl in a bubble. This reminded me of raindrops on the window, the condensation would build in my bubble tent and rain inside. Hmm not sure that is what was suppose to happen.
Eventually the day came when I was moved to another children’s ward with young kids. Out of my bubble tent!! I was still on a feeding tube and drip, and not able to walk. The torture of watching others eat. The animal instinct was to eat via mouth, I longed to chew!!
Have a sensation, a taste a morsel.
I would beg!
Nil by mouth.
The mind was saying, how can I be here without food, without drink?
The feeling of hunger was not apparent, yet there was this desire this instinct for the action of eating and drinking.
Similar to laying in bed not wanting to go to the toilet as where did it go? They had to keep telling me as I was coming back on line.
The innocence, yet the strong fight for survival.
Looking back it felt my body was saying - I am back on line and can transition into food, by mouth. Feed Me!!!
Ankles and wrists have many needle marks from this time. Backs of my hands, wrists, feet and ankles. As my veins were not coping with what was done to them. They would shut down. The day the blood started to reverse up the drip rather than the fluid going in, was enough. At age 10/11 I ripped it out of my hand. No More!!
Seeing the kids with their ice creams, I longed for just a taste.
Eventually my mum got me a chocolate paddle pop (Ice-cream) , ha ha. I was still not swallowing well, but Divine- Flavour, Coldness, Liquid Gold. Not tasting anything for months, The pleasure of taste, and sensation of liquid coolness one may think would sedate me, no. I demanded to be fed and they did soon after transition me to fluids. You have to remember this was in the 70’s, I was a child and my body was coming back on line. We have come so far.
By the time I got home it had been two months, no muscle tone, lost weight, weak, everything would be different.
I Was reborn,
A right of passage into…………
No light, tunnel, voice, or bearded man as in some Death of Physical Body experiencing, returning home, this was not my destiny. YET!
I was to experience the moving into the light the return to Sat Lock, True Home later in life.
In silence, no movement, no eating, just awareness that I am awareness.
I was beyond the flesh of that little girl we called Cindy.
The adventure in the body went on to become very real!!